circumstances.

now i'm not blaming it on circumstances, the way things turned out to be.  i'm just saying, we only got here because of the way things fell together and maybe even fell apart.

here.

every time i think about the past and the way things used to be i start to cry, and then a find a smile creeping onto my face.  looking back at all that used to be and the way things were - it makes me miss it, but i know i've grown and moved on into a beautiful new creation.  i'm happy with who i am now and i'd never have gotten here if it weren't for every detour along the way, every person who touched my life, every mistake i made, every heart break that i had to face, and every thing that went wrong on top of all that went right.  it's been a long journey from the past to the place i'm in now and i wouldn't change a thing, cause i'd never be who i am today without all the mistakes i made before i got here.

asdf

and i'm left not knowing how to feel anymore
all this pain bottled up is becoming unreal
it's as if i'm living in a dream
as though, i'm walking through a movie scene
becoming everything, i looked on the outside and said i'd never be
and now the girl i was, isn't me
now i've lost her, and i'm not sure i want her back
to be found or lost

thank goodness i'm not american

i've spent so much money on doctor's bills thanks to the health care system in australia.  i'm not stoked that tomorrow i have to go back and pay for yet another visit and for more prescription drugs... thanks stupid staph infection.  thanks for coming back.  not.

xx

disappointment comes when we fail to accept that sometimes life doesn't fall together just as we've planned.

beautiful mess

sometimes life doesn't work out exactly how we planned it.  things fall together in different orders and unexpected surprises alter the path we have chosen for ourselves.  those unexpected surprises and our responses to some of life's biggest disappointments are what make life beautiful.

post secret mornings are my favorite

this one made me smile

and this one made me cry

i get a little bit stronger

i'm done hoping that we could work it out.  i'm done with how it feels, spinning my wheels, letting you drag my heart around.  oh and i'm done thinking that we could ever change; i know my heart will never be the same, but i'm telling myself i'll be okay.  even on my weakest days, i get a little bit stronger.

doesn't happen over night, but you turn around and a month's gone by and you realize you haven't cried. i'm not giving you an hour or a second or another minute longer.  i'm busy getting stronger.

I Love Steel Magnolia

"I'll take off my halo if you take off your wings. You don't have to be invincible cause I sure aint no saint. You'll always be my angel no matter what you do, because you take me to heaven just by being you."

xx

your worst critic is nobody but your own self.  it's in yourself and in your head.  you have the right to decide who you want to be.  you choose how you'll you respond to situations.  you can choose to exhibit love or fester hate.  there is nobody beating you down more than your own self and with that comes the idea that nobody can build you up more than your own self as well.  we are who we want to be.

elizabeth

in a world of disorder and disaster and fraud, sometimes only beauty can be trusted.  only artistic excellence is incorruptible.  pleasure cannot be bargained down and sometimes the meal is the only currency that is real.

eat.pray.love

When you sense a faint potentiality for happiness after such dark times you must grab onto the ankles of that happiness and not let go until it drags you face-first out of the dirt - this is not selfishness, but obligation.  You were given life; it is your duty (and also your entitlement as a human being) to find something beautiful within life, no matter how slight.

i miss when my mind wrote like this

We will never repeat the same mistakes we've made knowing their outcomes - that's simply hypocrisy. We will move on, take what went wrong and turn it around for good. We are strong, stable, beautiful people. We refuse to be ruined by the troubles thrown our way. We are wise beyond our years, educated for wholeness and knit together with a complexity deeper than its seams. We are stronger and bigger than our troubles. We are not flesh alone; we're souls enveloped in an unchosen skin. We do not choose our destinies - we have not hand picked our fate. We are here, simply facing each new day; growing and moving on from yesterday - pushing on towards the promise of tomorrow. We are waiting, breathing, dreaming and believing. We are alive.

i'm so over facebook

for this very reason: when i post things, say what's on my mind, upload pictures etc, i'm expressing myself. it's an art, it's me.  i don't walk around town with a piece of paper taped to my back so that people can comment on my every action.  i'm so annoyed with everyone commenting on every little thing about me.  the only reason i haven't deleted it yet is because i want to be able to talk to my friends and family on one site.  i'm tired of people stalking every detail of my life.

well said

"The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, the education, the money, than circumstances, than failure, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill. It will make or break a company... a church... a home. The remarkable thing is we have a choice everyday regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past... we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude. I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% of how I react to it. And so it is with you... we are in charge of our Attitudes.”

i love post secret sundays

one nice guy

This is for you Liam, so you better appreciate it.  I have only met one nice aussie guy since I've been here and this is Liam.  That's it, just one nice guy.  I know you wanted me to say that all Aussies were nice and charming etc, but I just can't lie.  Sorry! But Liam, you're super nice.  Miss my aussie friend. xx

maybe we've been dreaming

i was living in a dream, in a fantasy world, holding strong to what i thought i believed and ignoring all that i knew.  i was believing in the unseen and trusting in the unknown.  i had faith that could move mountains and a convincing defence to back it all up.  now i'm living in those dreams seeing only what my eyes can see.  i can't keep dreaming.  all i can see is all i can believe.

the story of my life.

I have a lovely staph infection on my face.  It's really cute.  The entire lower half of my lips are cut up and peeling away.  Seriously, I am so attractive I can't get over it.  It's really annoying.  Just my luck that I'd go away and when it costs heaps of money, have to visit the doctor.  I'm never taking Canadian Health Care for granted again.  Praise God that it's free back home.  When I get back, whenever that may be, I'm going to load up on free medication and doctor's visits.  In the meantime, I'm getting pretty tough with no medical.  Like real tough.

time.

i have so much time to myself now with this new job.  what is there to do in the great outback when you know nobody and you have a house to yourself for six hours each day?  i'm thinking that it's time I take up a hobby.  considering: reading, playing guitar, writing a story, photography, creating new recipes and song writing.  this could be a long drawn out artistic next three months.

a hundred white lies later

i've learnt that honesty is the best policy there is.

xx

trust me, it's paradise. This is where the hungry come to feed. For mine is a generation that circles the globe and searches for something we haven't tried before. So never refuse an invitation, never resist the unfamiliar, never fail to be polite and never outstay the welcome. Just keep your mind open and suck in the experience. And if it hurts, you know what? It's probably worth it

no big deal.

i went in the ocean for the first time, since i got here 2 months ago.  i mean full on went in the ocean.  i've put my feet in it before, but never actually gone in.  it was a little bit scary but even more exciting.  of course it was Dan's brilliant plan to go in once the sun had set and all the life guards and netting to keep the sharks out were gone.  we didn't die though, so it was sweet.

i like aussie girls.

praise jesus that katherine is nice enough to let me crash on her couch while i wait to move citites.  i can't believe someone who barely knows me, would be nice enough to let me stay in her place.  this is part of me counting my blessing.  i am blessed to have free accommodation right now.  i'm sitting on the sixth floor of a beautiful apartment with the sun shining down on me, sipping coffee out of a sweet sqaure/round shaped mug.  c'est la vie!

freedom.

i feel so free right now.  i've got the exact same feeling i had when i walked out those school doors after my last grade 12 exam.  it's all over and i can do what i want now.  i'm so excited to see where life will take me these next few months here in australia.  i know i'll be home on april 19th but no idea where i might wind up in between.  it's kind of exciting know that it's just one big adventure!

& i'll count them all as lessons learned

i learned the hard way that sometimes our dreams aren't reality.  sometimes the beautiful life we dream up in our sleep doesn't play out the same way.

life legacies

my grandma is the sweetest.  i just got her card in the mail yesterday for my nineteenth birthday.  it was filled with her writing.  the entire thing is three pages long of tiny grandmother handwriting.  i was wincing trying to understand it all.  anyway, it had heaps of life legacies on it and they were cute so i thought i'd share.

Life Legacies:

Live deep

Never stop learning, playing or finding wonder in the world around you.  Live the length of your life, but live the depth of it as well.

Travel light

There is no use in carrying around worry and regret.  They only weigh you down.  Always keep yourself open to hope and to love.  They give us wings.

Forgive imperfections

In yourself and others

Imperfections keep things interesting

They’re the cracks

Where the light shines through

Own beautiful things

And not just to keep in the drawer, tucked away for a perfect day.  Surround yourself with things that make you happy, that remind you of the beauty all around us if we only keep our eyes open to it.

Make mistakes

Follow detours.  Sometimes it takes an unexpected turn to help us find the life that is waiting for us around the bend.  Trust yourself and the path that is meant for you.

Take care of yourself

And sometimes that means you need the ice cream.  Be good to your body, but also to your mind and spirit.  You’re the only one who can.

And always, always know you are loved.

shouting out.

if i stood on top of a mountain with my echo resonating across the horizon and screamed i couldn't get any louder.  i'm standing here, screaming out at the top of my lungs.  i'm screaming out for you.  i'm waiting for a sign, a clear picture.  i want your vision in my mind.  i don't know how much longer i can take waiting.  i'm seeking and yet i can't find.  i'm looking but i just can't seem to see.  i'm screaming.

i have never

i have never had so little money to my name.  this must be what it's like to live in poverty.  gosh, am i ever thankful for my mom and dad! xxx